{"id":3750,"date":"2019-02-18T10:48:00","date_gmt":"2019-02-18T15:48:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/gbfamilylaw.com\/?p=3750"},"modified":"2023-11-14T11:11:27","modified_gmt":"2023-11-14T16:11:27","slug":"tips-for-staying-on-the-high-road-during-a-divorce","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/gbfamilylaw.com\/blogs\/tips-for-staying-on-the-high-road-during-a-divorce\/","title":{"rendered":"Tips for Staying on the High Road During a Divorce"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

I have been practicing family law since 1991 and have heard hundreds of divorcing spouses say they want to \u201ctake the high road\u201d in their divorce. In almost every instance, they were telling the truth. In practice though, many fell short finding it difficult to choose the high road and stay there.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Because divorce involves a transactional event (\u201cI give you this if you give me that\u201d) and an emotional event (\u201cyou hurt me\u201d or \u201cI am afraid\u201d) it is easy to understand how the interaction between the two events might cause someone, intentionally or not, to choose a lower road.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Why take the high road in a divorce? Taking the high road:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    \n
  1. Allows you to be the \u201cgood guy\u201d (nobody ever wants to be the \u201cbad guy\u201d);<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  2. Preserves your dignity and is respectful to your spouse;<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  3. Benefits your children;<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  4. Results in a more satisfying, mutually beneficial agreement; and,<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  5. Costs less money.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n\n\n\n

    If you are contemplating divorce and want to \u201ctake the high road\u201d and ensure you stay there, keep in mind the following tips:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    1. Commit.<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

    Choosing the high road is an affirmative choice, not something that happens by accident. And it is a choice you have to make over and over again throughout the divorce process.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    2. Tell the truth (in the kindest way possible).<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

    Telling the truth is easier then telling, and remembering, a lie, and is instrumental is creating an atmosphere of trust. An atmosphere of trust improves communication, and improved communication allows for productive and mutually beneficial negotiated agreements. Lies, silence, evasiveness, ambiguity, and vagueness create an atmosphere of anxiety, anger and fear. Distrust increases, communication deteriorates, and negotiated agreements become more difficult. Justifying less than the truth is not \u201ccushioning the blow\u201d or \u201csparing feelings\u201d or \u201cprotecting your spouse\u201d\u2014it is the opposite.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    Telling the truth in the kindest way possible is different than being brutally honest. There is a big difference between: \u201cI do not like the shirt you are wearing\u201d and \u201cyou look like a slob in that shirt\u201d.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    3. Avoid taking things personally.<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

    Imagine you and your spouse both on a trail that circles a lake. You are walking and your spouse is on a bike. What you see and experience while walking is different than what your spouse sees and experiences on a bike. You are on the same path but your experiences and perspectives are different which may cause you each to describe the lake and the trail differently.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    Your marriage is the same\u2014you and your spouse have been on the same path but experiencing different things. Your decisions, goals, fears, and ideas are unique to you and are based on your individual experience and perspective. This is also true for your spouse. In a divorce, taking things personally may cause you to feel offended or defensive which in turn causes you to spend time and energy (and money) to convince your spouse of their flawed perspective. Then, your spouse is offended and defensive and invested in showing you the inaccuracy of your perspective. This is an expensive and never ending cycle not conducive to mutually beneficial negotiated agreements.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    4. Abstain from assumptions.<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

    Making assumptions in the midst of divorce leads to misunderstandings, distrust, poor communication and increased difficulty in obtaining a satisfying agreement. A couple falling in love assumes the best of each other–he had a good reason for being late; he didn\u2019t intend to burn dinner. A divorcing couple tends to assume the worst\u2014he was late because he doesn\u2019t care about the children; he forgot to pay the credit card to hurt my credit. Assuming and then reacting to what you believe to be true creates drama where no drama needs to exist.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    Similar to this is believing your spouse read can read your mind. They cannot. Hinting, crying, throwing temper tantrums, and gossiping are not substitutes for clearly expressing your requests, goals, intentions, and concerns.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    Instead of assumptions, ask questions and communicate clearly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    5. Always do your best.<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

    As Don Miguel Ruiz states in his book The Four Agreements, under any circumstance, always do your best. Your best will ebb and flow, varying from day-to-day. However, regardless of quality always do your best. In addition to doing your best, tell yourself that your spouse and the professionals involved in your divorce case are doing their best too.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    Doing your best means keeping your commitments and if you find you need to change a commitment, let those to whom it was made know at the earliest opportunity. This builds trust, improves communication, and allows for more satisfying agreements.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    For those who can do it, taking the high road helps to build trust, minimize anxiety and fear, allow for productive negotiation and creation of custom-made solutions for the divorcing couple and their children.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    Learn More<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

    Kris Algert is one of the most experienced Collaborative Family Lawyers in Austin and has been named Best Lawyers \u201cLawyer of the Year<\/a>\u201d for Collaborative Law in the Austin area in 2013, 2016, 2018, and 2020.\u00a0She is a Master Credentialed Collaborative Professional by Collaborative Divorce Texas, is Board Certified in Family Law by the Texas Board of Legal Specialization, and is known for her respectful, constructive problem-solving approach to helping clients move forward with confidence after divorce.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    To find the right solution for you, please contact Kris Algert<\/a> at 512-454-8791.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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    Kristen A Algert shares her knowledge on how to stay on the high road during divorce. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":38,"featured_media":3752,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_relevanssi_hide_post":"","_relevanssi_pin_for_all":"","_relevanssi_pin_keywords":"","_relevanssi_unpin_keywords":"","_relevanssi_related_keywords":"","_relevanssi_related_include_ids":"","_relevanssi_related_exclude_ids":"","_relevanssi_related_no_append":"","_relevanssi_related_not_related":"","_relevanssi_related_posts":"252,4128,2384,3298,5068,3762","_relevanssi_noindex_reason":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[1,5,8,4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3750","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-blogs","category-child-custody-visitation","category-collaborative-law","category-divorce"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nStaying On The High Road Through Divorce<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"If you are contemplating divorce and want to \u201ctake the high road\u201d and ensure you stay there, this article offers practical, helpful advice.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/gbfamilylaw.com\/blogs\/tips-for-staying-on-the-high-road-during-a-divorce\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Staying On The High Road Through Divorce\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"If you are contemplating divorce and want to \u201ctake the high road\u201d and ensure you stay there, this article offers practical, helpful advice.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/gbfamilylaw.com\/blogs\/tips-for-staying-on-the-high-road-during-a-divorce\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Goranson Bain Ausley\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/gbfamilylaw\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2019-02-18T15:48:00+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2023-11-14T16:11:27+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/gbfamilylaw.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/02\/Tips-for-Staying-on-the-High-Road-During-a-Divorce-Kris-Algert-Goranson-Bain-Ausley-Austin-Texas-2.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"500\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"334\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Kristen A. 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